Videoing out

It's been one week my friend is back home. It's a little more than he knows for me. He was not my closest friend and he was not the easiest one to talk to but i finally succeeded to tell him. As thought, he was really surprised.

One evening after he comes and goes around i decided to tell him so we went for dinner together to the traditionnal bia hoi close to my home. It takes me many try to tell him. I was so unconfident i finally said "ok i want to get a sintho with you after, i have something to tell you" (he was tired and refused before i say that).

So here it is: 

- Me: "i have a big news for you as you are the first friend to visit me here: I am not single anymore"

- Him:"Great"

- "It's not a girl, it's a boy"

- "Ah, really?"

Although, as i was really serious, it didn't doubt so much. It's just i am his first friend to turn to be gay.

Here comes, the funny part: "Videoing out"

I wanted to tell my other friends before he tells them, so i decided to skype them one by one.

It went very smoothly, the first one, a girl whom i am quite close to, was surprise also but she was asbolutely ok as her aunt is a lesbian and she is totally ok with that.

The second one is my former flatmate, he was also damn surprise but doesn't care so much (was by phone... non geek people...).

The third is the flatmate of my visiting friend, he knew already (difficult to keep your mouth closed when you share an apartment). This friend went also abroad for a few years and he told that at the time he tries some things... like men, even a serious relationship and that finally it's not for him (he's thinking about wedding with his girlfriend). The interesting part with him is that his family (and his gf) is very christian but they know and it's bearable for them though i think they don't talk about it. It reassures me for when i will tell my family (which is not religious at all, lucky me :p).

The last friend, i called him at  his waking up time (noon) and just said "Ah" at first. Then he reassures me, we talked a lot, i gave him some details about my boyfriend, how it is to be gay in hanoi etc. As he is one of the few to know my family, we talked about coming out to them and reassures me about that... so i will tell them one day, next time i come back i guess.

To conclude, "videoing out" is a good idea when you are far and your friends are nice (though i wouldn't recommend it for potential problematic coming out, too easy to stop the talk). I am very proud of my friends, to have so good and open minded friends!

So i say to them (although they don't know this blog :p): Thank you!

Ban dang o day

(My friend is here)

He arrives a few days ago and stayed in Hanoi for 36 hours so i had no opportunity to talk to him, though we said a couple of words about "girflriends" and the girls in Vietnam (whom, i agree, can be really cute).

He will come back after a tour around the north and i still wonder if i will tell him. Previously on Battlestar Hanoi (yes i am crazy of BSG... and the season 4 is on air :D), i was really willing and very confident to tell him but i am not anymore, still the same question for me.

Well, if i find a good opportunity,not right before his departure, i will tell him. So, if it's ok he could meet my bf.

Upcoming in BSH: i will doing a little overview of (gay) night life in Hanoi.. it won't take me too long ;)

Coming out?

A friend of mine will visit me this week-end.  I won't see him for long but i'm seriously thinking of "coming out" to him.

But why?

• He is not my closest friend.
• I have almost no idea of how he will react.
• He may tell all my friends when he comes back even if i ask him not too (worst scenario).
• I don't feel that much ready.
• I don't come back soon to my home country.
• I don't want to lose friends (story of my life by relocating...) even the stupid ones who could think i'm not worth it anymore.... stupid, i know already...

Because

• He is the first one to visit me here
• The next one is my best friend, he knows already and the following would be much later.
• He will be able to say that i am still the same (abnormal guy but that's another story), though maybe happier.
• The question about my love life are coming more often by instant message.
• I want them to contact me again. As we say "far from the eye, far from the heart", as the times pass by, i don't have much contact with them.
• I want to be able to tell them everything.
• I want to be able to tell someone: "yesterday i did that with my bf, bla bla bla" and i'm far from being ready to tell my family.
• I feel like it (best reason actually), though you are never totally ready in my point of view?

The plan

We will have lunch together, if i feel ok i will talk about our friends love life and his especially. I guess he will ask for mine. I may  say "it's a bit complicated (which is true as everyone ;) )". Finally, i'll tell him i found someone nice and that is .... a boy.

If he's ok with that, i plan to go for a coffee with my BF.

Bonux: I finally know a vietnamese word (i like) to call my BF, it's "cung" like the japanese "kun" (for those who know).

Couple's dinner

As I am a "mot cham pa cham" (100%) romantic guy, I had the fantasy to do a "couple's dinner" since a very long time.

Finally I did it with my bf, a (westener) friend and his vietnamese girlfriend. It was really nice to do so because I (we?) were feeling like any common couple. Going out for a nice dinner then drive around (on motobike) to have an ice cream next to some beautiful lake at night. How crazy it is to feel just normal in such a homophobic country.

Although I have to moderate myself. I say that because I am astonished by the girlfriend, she has absolutely no problem with me and my bf. More incredible is that she even say some dirty implied joke ! 

That's why I, finally, think there is some for this country. I thought everything but mentalities was evolving very fast but it seems that it is changing also (though slowlier ;)).

Check or not?

I met my boyfriend by a dating website, obviously it's really hard to find someone "on the field" (nb: do a post about that), but since then I check sometimes the same website.

I have to acknowledge that at first it was to check the market because I was unsure that it would be a long time relationship. I continued to receive a few messages but mainly by foreigners coming for holydays or some people I call in an unfriendly way "sex machine", like the one I met at some bar (nb: do another post about that).

I continued for a time with the same (bad) idea but also to check if he still goes there... which he did! Actually, I think that he is also checking on me because it is really not often (I won't tell you how I know but you can find easily).

I already have the answer to "Should I continue?": no, I should stop and talk to him about that, would say my communication expert friend. Although, I think less and less it can't be the one (am I falling in... love?), I have to say that I like to check the 'market', especially to see if other people I met there are still online.

Fake start

It's funny to live in Vietnam, one day you can start a blog here and the following you can not access it anymore. I thought it was because censorship as I speak of homosexuality and it is very bad in Vietnam (so don't imagine what is it to live it here). Finally i discovered it is because my former ISP, VNPT, is state owned and is well known to block access to blogger and wordpress blogs.

I changed my ISP and now here i am back to write my pulsating life in Hanoi and i can guarantee you there is a lot to say!

Looking forward to write to you my possibly future readers?

Why?

This blog is intended to satisfy my ego! More seriously, i will speak about my (sexual) life in southeast Asia because i can't do it in real life nor on a blog with my name.


Everything started around 1 year ago (late spring 2006) in Bangkok. I spent 2 months there and i met pretty quickly a nice girl (that's the first and almost only one). It was nice to be with her and especially to live at her place discovering a common district not invaded by "farang" (westerner) and evidently to have sex for the first time.

We had many good times but i was always thinking that she may be with me because of money though she didn't showed it at all. Finally i left her and Bangkok but i came back a couple of times for very short period. At the end i prefered to end this "kick relation" (kick = some kind of sex friend quite common there).

After doing so i came back to Bangkok and i phoned her just to say "hello, how life's going?" as i know bangkok's life for a pretty but poor girl can be tough. At that time i discovered she loved me for real and that i was just another bastard. I wasn't looking just for sex but for fun in general, i wanted to be with her and enjoy life with her but not thinking of a long and stable relationship. We met again, had a talk about that and some sex just like the good ol' time but that was over and both of us knew it.


Finally both of us are going forward for a new life, me in Hanoi since a couple of months and her soon to Europe to live with a 40+ years old man who "likes" woman of Thailand, life's can be tough for girl in Thailand as i said...

And both of us will be with man now.


For just being yourself with me, i thank you Ann! I discovered that Bangkok is a beautyfull city with many nice people but i discovered too that i will prefer girls as friends not girlfriend...